Hi, I’m Shani

NPR once called me a humor essayist, let’s go with that.

The Best $5 A Single Woman Can Spend

The Best $5 A Single Woman Can Spend

The world does not come in single servings. We know this. We’ve all bought jalapeños at Trader Joe’s. The most common way I feel the effects of being single at home is through waste. I hate wasting food because who the hell can eat that many carrots that fast, I hate wasting baked goods because they don’t freeze well, and I hate—I repeat—I hate wasting sparkling wine.

I love sparkling wine. I prefer to it all other wines. I feel like a fancy Versailles bitch playing cards in a salon when in reality I’m probably just reading a book on a Tuesday while my laundry air dries hanging in the shower. I always have a bottle of sparkles chilled, because I like living life as if I could celebrate it at any moment. But serving sizes are not in my favor.

The sparkling wine industry skews heavily toward drinking an entire goddamned bottle. Yes, yes, there are splits and adorable minis, but they’re not economical! I want to spend couple’s money and drink single girl portions and I’ve finally found a gadget that gives me my day in the sun.


Save bubbles, save money.

This is a champagne saver. Listen to me: it actually saves champagne. It is a simple, cheap gadget you affix to the top of your bottle of champagne and rest easy knowing you can drink as little of it as you want without pouring several glugs down the sink in the morning. The glass of bubbly in the photo above is second day champagne, and it’ll hold out for a third, too.

Simply put, it costs less than $5. Hello. I highly suggest you get two for $7.38—that is a steal. It’s also a major pro move to take one along with you while you travel. Getting dressed to go to dinner overlooking a piazza of some kind is made infinitely better with a glass of something bubbly. Simply push the stopper down on top of the bottle, fold down it’s cute little wings, and you just saved yourself $21.99 my friend, yes you did. Return to your bubbles the next evening, as if no time has passed at all.

Single women are overlooked in…yeah, pretty much all of life. It is thusly our responsibility to seek out solutions and resources for living our best lives at all times. A burden? Perhaps, but we can handle it. We can handle anything—except good grapes gone flat.

Save your champagne.

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Single Women Don't Have Mom Groups

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Podcast Episode: Delete Your Dating Apps

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